You know the saying, the one about the elephant in the room?
I’ve decided mine is named Grief for the time being.
I’ve already backspaced through a bunch of beginnings for this blog. It’s been such a strange time. It’s not like I’ve not experienced Grief before, but it’s been a bit more removed. Cherished friends, former clients (when I was a PSW) and one grandparent, that I can remember.
This is premature in a way because at this moment, my loved one is still someone I can visit, phone and gently harass. This elephant has always been around, but now there’s more of a timeline. So perhaps in a way, this is pre-grief. All I know is that this is all quite new to me, and to my family.
I’m already seeing a change in communication. Some of it is a great improvement, some, not so much. I guess it can be a lot like having a baby, until you’ve had one, you can have a hard time relating to how it feels. You get all kinds of advice from those who’ve had experience. Time to sort the relevant bits and maybe keep other bits for another time.
While I write this, I am in a good emotional space. The redecorating of that space can happen with a text, call or email…or maybe a fleeting memory. I am cherishing time. I am prioritising my feelings and choosing to “let more shit go”.
And so, the new navigation begins. The family works to acknowledge Grief little by little. For not talking about Grief won’t make that gray matter disappear. I am hoping that this will be a building exercise and the foundation that has been laid for so many years, will make us stronger for what lies ahead.